Last Tuesday, I experienced a new level of creeper-ness. It was a long day from working both jobs, including a particularly busy night at the restaurant. I scampered out the door without even enjoying an after-shift drink and started off toward my car only to be halted by yells of  “Hey! Wait! Hey!”

Thinking I had abandoned a table, or left my phone behind, or something equally dire, I turned to see who was shouting after me. It was a guy who had just walked into Jury’s a few minutes earlier with another guy and girl.

“I was hoping to talk to you! You left too soon,” he said.

“I work here… and I just finished my shift,” I said, still looking forward to the thought of sweats, chocolate, and celebrity gossip at the condo.

“I know, I know, but I was hoping you would just stay a little longer, and have a drink…”

Well, he was tall and fairly attractive, so I thought, what the heck. Celebrity gossip can wait, let’s give this guy a shot,  aaaand went back inside to have a drink.

Ok, BAD IDEA. On a scale of dumb, this man was dumber than a box of hair.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t immediately obvious, so we chatted for a few minutes, but it was very disjointed conversation. After biographical information was out of the way (I thought he was maybe 26, but he’s actually about to turn 30, and he thought I was about 24.. and I’m not), he proceeded to gaze at me intently for an awkward space of time, prompting classic shifty-eyes-look-anywhere-but-him-behavior.

“So, you have green eyes,” he stated.

“Yeah, mostly, I guess.” (my eyes are green and brown, but not mixed)

He peered closer.

“Ohhhh, you have hazel eyes!” he went on to extol the virtues of hazel eyes for several seconds. I didn’t even have to look at his to figure out he has hazel eyes, too.

He leaned forward, confidentially.

“Our children will definitely have hazel eyes.”

Um, WHAAAAT!??!!

It literally took several seconds for me to register that this stranger whom I had just met had just referenced the children we would one day have. That guarantees that we will not, in fact, ever even come close to having children. I mean, who does that? I feel like some girls might conceivably see a cute guy and think (THINK. as in, silently) that maybe, if they were to have kids, said kids would be cute.. or something vague. But for a guy to do that, and and be so..specific? Ah, weird.

Anyway, I think he realized that it’s socially … weird to say something like that, and he began maniacally laughing (I’m just going to put it out there that he had probably been drinking prior to coming to this restaurant) and then reached over to grab my hand and chortle about how we weren’t even engaged yet, and there he is talking about our children….. Ah yes, delightful!

No gracias.

I don’t think I even finished my g&t before sliding off the stool, refusing his offer of another drink, warding off his quest for my number with a “maybe next time,”  mumbling something about work the next morning, and finally making it safely to my car/chocolate/celebrity gossip/etc. So much for giving rando’s a chance..


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